Friday, January 19, 2007

Its just another day

Off Off into the wild blue......well, maybe not that extreme but at least off for the weekend. At the end of yet another semi-eventful but not really productive week of planning - I look back and wonder, why? Oh, why? Is this so hard and frustrating. I think my heart just isnt in it. Or maybe its because I just can't quite find what I am looking for? It is out there! I swear it- my dream wedding is out there but I haven't looked in the right search engine yet. Whatever did people do before the internet?
With each new venue I find there is excitement while one by one things seemingly fall into place - the accomodations, the caterer..the ceremony spot...and then POW! the reception site is booked for every weekend of every month this year, someone (who shouldnt even know yet about the recent idea b/c it hasnt been groomed and thoroughly investigated and decided on) starts coming up with other questions - who will stay where ? but what if they wont like that? But what will you do about this? Who will this be for? SERENITY NOW!!! (sorry, seinfeld reference).
And then there is the breathing down my neck about the date, the food, everyone has an opinion and no one has a solution except my gorgeous and beautiful and talented mother (who reads my blog) who suggests the smartest and most logical of all choices in the matter- "Why don't you just have it in Oklahoma and then I can take care of all the hard stuff and we can plan it together..." Oh momma.... if only life were that simple. If I didnt get married on the beach I might just be marrying myself. Men....or Man.....I never expected these kinds of problems.
Or these kinds of feelings, you know - complete and utter terror? no? Well, it seems that way to me. Its just too big, too much to commit to..too too too too..scary.
Considering how I always imagined my wedding and marriage to be....I just don't know what the heck is going wrong inside me and all around me. Nature is telling me not to plan, and Im afraid if i dont listen its gonna get my attention with a little ole hurricane come November.
Everyone..just one request this weekend if I slip into your mind. Please pray for me. And not so I wont be a Bridezilla or that my reception hall will work out..but pray that my heart will just calm down a little bit and I will figure out exactly what it is I need to be doing with my life that I am not. Love you all and miss you like crazy as I go spend another weekend with the Florida friends who are great but will never ever be you. (their greatest flaw)