Friday, December 31, 2010

Dear Heartbreaker,

This letter might be coming a little too late, but I think it needs written - for all the broken hearts out there that have suffered needlessly over some ridiculous boy.  Let's first just get the record straight here so that the truth can be known. Yes, I had a crush on you. Yes, I blushed whenever you were around. But, never did I think that there would ever be anything between us.  You were a friend of my brothers, you were older, and I had no inclination that you were at all interested in me....that is until one day you walked in to my room and kissed me. And kissed me....and, well you were there.  You were a terrible kisser - but I looked past that due to the shear shock I was experiencing that you were actually kissing me. And that wasn't were it ended.
For several weeks we talked on the phone for hours every night.  For several weeks we saw each other almost everyday.  We made out in the car during a softball game, we made out behind the concession stand, we made our in the dark behind a tree at a youth group bonfire, we kissed in the back of my dad's truck, we kissed in that gorgeous green chair in our living room while everyone else was asleep....we did that a lot.  You called me all the time.  And were just gone.
And the next time I talked to you was when you came to our house over Christmas and you tried to act like nothing happened. But, I couldn't. You only tried to kiss me once.
The next time I talked to you was when you called to let me know you were getting married.  Yup. Married. I was 15, so this was a little hard to swallow.  I locked myself in my room and cried for an hour.  I was so in love with you.  I've never felt that love sick again.  It lasted from Freshman year of high school to Sophomore year of college. Seriously.  You did that.  Why?  Would it have been so hard to just talk to me about it?  Just tell me that you were just fooling around?  I mean, what was I supposed to think when my dream guy suddenly became my guy?  Seriously? 
Did you know that it wasn't until years later that my Mom even believed that anything had ever happened between us.  She thought all my heartache was born out of me just liking you.  Seriously.  It was pretty rough, dude.  You sucked big time. 
You were in my life and then so far's been about twelve years since then and I still remember how heart broken I was over you.  I have journals about it.  Thankfully, some more heartbreakers took over and rewired my brain.  I just want to know why? I mean seriously dude, Did you really think it was okay to drop me so fast and then to CALL AND TELL ME HAPPILY that you were getting MARRIED? Did you think that I was just fooling around too? You were a terrible kisser.  I still don't eat Burger King because I remember when you worked there.  Someone sent me a link a few months ago and I found out that you and your cagillion kids are evangelists who travel all over the country.  I really am honestly happy for you and your success and what looks like a great life.  I have a good life too.  I just wanted to add this letter
to my list because there are things that were never said.  I think that you should have taken a little better care of the hearts you handled in your youth.  We all make mistakes, right?  I offer you total and complete forgiveness - even for the years I spent pining over some romanticised version of you I had created in my head.  I would totally high five you and shake your hand if I saw you now.  But, in my head I would be kneeing you in the balls for breaking my fourteen year old heart.

Best Wishes!