I read this poem on a friend's blog a million years ago, she is my best friend from childhood and her family are missionaries in Carlos Paz, Argentina. She teaches English classes there and posted this poem about the difficulties of learning a second language when that language is English-
Lets face it
English is a stupid langauge.
There is no egg in eggplant;No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
And while no one knows what is in a hot dog,
you can be pretty sure it isn't canine.
English muffins were not invented in England;
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted.
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly.
Boxing rings are square.
And a guinea pig is neither from
Guinea nor is it a pig.
Sweetmeats are candies, while sweet breads,which aren't sweet, are meat.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth,One goose, two geese.
So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose?
One mouse, two mice; one louse two lice,one house two hice?
Shouldn't the plural of phone boothe be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught?
Or the grocer groce, or hammers ham?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,what the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play,yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship....?
Have feet that smell and noses that run?
How can the weather be as hot as hell one dayand as cold as hell on another
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down, and in which you fill in a form by filling it out and a bell is only heard once it goes!
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
English was invented by people, not computers and it reflects the
creativity of the human race(which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why you get in and out of a car, and on and off a bus.
When the stars are out they are visible
but when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts,
but when I wind up this poem, it ends.
Hope you guys thought that was cute! Talk atcha later!
-L
