Movie Review:

I got a new Netflix last night and it was Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 which I have wanted to see for a while. I settled down to watch it and...I liked it better than the first one. There were some corny parts (spoiler alert!) when they all just decide to go to Greece in the last few scenes. I mean of course when you are in college you have the cash to just jump a flight to Greece to look for some pants!

It was cute though and it made me think about my friendships. The conflict in the movie is how all the girls are growing up and they believe that this pair of pants that fits all of them miraculously brings them together and keeps their friendship alive - in the end they finally realize that they are friends and the pants aren't really what holds them together. It just made me think of how hard it is to stay close to your friends.

I have said before on this blog how I have been blessed with wonderful friends in my life and if I never made another friend I would still consider myself so lucky to have met the ones I have. But growing up makes it hard and moving away, having children, getting married - just living different lives makes it soooo hard to stay close. I miss my girl friends because as much as we love each other and care for each other - when you can't do lunch and you don't have time to just call and chat it really is hard to stay close. We are lucky in the fact that no matter what the time is between us we pick up where we left off each time and enjoy our time together - I think in that way our friendship has turned almost into family. We will always have each other but we don't worry or concern ourselves with keeping in constant contact. We know we are there for one another and that is enough. I love that. But, I miss them and I wish I was around them all the time.

Making new friends is hard. I mean it wasn't in college - But out in the big wide world its hard to make great connections with people. There is something about growing up with people like the gals in this movie did that makes you feel connected in a way that I have found hard to do in my few years of adulthood. I think it is because we have different needs and situations than we did before and now being married suddenly there is this other person involved in most of your friendships too. And that changes things because you each make friends differently and I have found out that we look at friendships a lot differently as well.

It sure is tough..this getting older thing! Go check out the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 - it is a really cute and fun chick flick!

Thoughtful Thursday?

I am feeling a wee bit thoughtful today. Our office is gearing up to say goodbye to one of our principal architects who after 20+ years is retiring. We are going out to lunch and having a party this evening. It's sad to see him go - we will definitely miss him around the office.
It's got me thinking about how people spend their lives. Some stay in one place, some move around a lot while others make a few important moves and then settle down. While some people have never left the state they were born in - others cross the country regularly for business and vacation reasons. There are so many different lives out there to live - how do we decide which ours shall be? I hate to think that choices we make impact us forever. Like marrying one person means you will never be able to live here or there or because you didn't go to college surely you will always live near home. I know it all depends on the person and on their dreams and desires - we all want different things. But, once the thought popped into my head today I started thinking, "What do I want?"
There are a million possibilites out there for each person. But things don't always happen for you without action - you have to decide What do I want? So, when you get out there you know what you are looking for.

So, what do you want?

Totally Awkward Tuesday

Check out Tova's blog for the Rules:

Here is my most recent bit of awkwardness. This is not something I would typically share but in keeping with the theme of these Tuesdays..I feel that I am comfortable sharing my shame with all of you.

On Thursday morning we headed to the airport to leave on our little mini vacation. We had to be at the airport at about 5 am and our flight was at 7. We boarded and everything on time and were all settled to depart when...I got really really sick. The flight crew was still fumbling about with bags and what not so I decided to risk it and high tale it to the restroom. While in there I felt the plane start to move and freaked out so I rushed to get back to my seat despite the fact that I felt awful and had no idea how safe it was to leave - I mean, I didn't want to start my trip by using that lovely paper bag they give you!
So I get back to my seat looking pretty green and the stewardess comes over and asks my husband if I am okay. He nods and she goes on her way. Except that I am NOT OK! I am really sick and needing to run back to the restroom again. I tell him to grab her (as we are taxiing) and ask if there is still time for me to go. She asks (semi quietly) if it is an emergency and I nod like crazy and take off toward the lavatory.
Guys - I delayed the flight. It was me. My fault.
As I was standing up to head to the restroom - another lady asked the stewardess if she can run to the restroom as well. This is the horrible part. In a normal and not quiet voice she says, "Yes, but please hurry. This lady here (motioning at me) has an emergency and we will have to be waiting anyway!"
The horror.
The total and awful horror.
Awkwardess be damned - I was mortified.

And away we go!

Well, my hubby and I are off for a little adventure so I will be
absent from the bloggy world for a few days...

I meant to plan a few scheduled posts but I am afraid that life stood
in the way.

Please say a prayer for us for safe travel and that we don't have any
trouble with my husband's heart condition. We had a little scare last night but are still cleared with the doctor to go and have fun and RELAX! If I can just stay out of the hospital for a straight week I will be grateful!

See you soon!

Totally Awkward Tuesdays

Once again it is that time, the time we all gather together in awkwardness to laugh and blush at our misfortunes. And it is all Tova’s fault. Go check out her blog for other Totally Awkward Tuesday posts!

This memory stumbled into my brain this weekend because of the red and pink coated holiday many of us were celebrating. This isn’t going to be embarrassingly awkward just an awkward situation that I thought you would all enjoy.
I was never someone who dated a lot. Not in high school and not in college either. In each different area there were just a few guys that I either had a crush on or maybe actually dated. The reasons? Well, I am sure that there are many but that is another post novel entirely. So, that was all meant to explain that this whole event started out pretty typical for me and my life but ended pretty weird.
It was Valentine’s Day and neither my roommates nor I had plans. One was in a serious relationship, but the guy lived quite far from us. They were rocking the long distance thing. He did send the most beautiful red roses I have ever seen to date and they lasted FOREVER! (And yes they are married now and on baby #2!).
My other roommate did not have plans and was not dating (like me!) but it was probably more by choice because she was gorgeous and always had a few guys chasing after her. The other roommate was the one we left to die in the fire (confused? Read this.) so she had plans with her boyfriend and wasn’t really keen on plans with us anyhow.
So, here we are without plans….wait, I have no idea how I met this person...I have to email someone with a memory real quick…
Okay...so according to the attached roommate - she and the gorgeous roommate (let's call them Harriet and Shelley) met this guy at a party and he followed them home. In my vague memory I could not remember how this certain guy came into our lives so apparently he was not someone we knew and then suddenly he was.
Let’s call him Ed. Ed appeared in our lives and somehow ended up with an invitation to join us in our group celebration of having no Valentine’s Day plans. We decided to drive to The City and have dinner at this cool downtown area that we often went to. At this point we were all under 21 so it was mainly about going out to a nice dinner and then walking around downtown.
So, Ed came by on Valentine’s and we were all dressed up, he brought us each a rose and he actually wore a tie. So somehow this lucky guy gets invited to our fun and he actually plays along and is really fun bringing us roses, etc. So, I guess that was Brownie Point Number one with me. (Do you see where this is going?)
He offered to drive and we headed to dinner which was like 45 minutes away. We had a nice regular chat on the way there and once there found a nice restaurant to eat at.
This whole memory gets blurry here for a bit as we have dinner and walk around talking. I know that I was getting more and more googely-eyed at Ed and we kept making more and more eye contact throughout the night which ended in this moment in the car:
It is dark and we are driving home and I am sitting in the back seat behind Ed who is driving. He reaches his arm back behind him on the left side (not the console) and touches my hand and tries to hold it. Shock. He meets my eye in the rearview mirror and I guess we had a moment because after we got back he and I had silently decided that we were going to keep hanging out. So, my roommates are looking at me like, "What are you doing? This guy is a total goob" (which he was). So, we all settle down to watch a movie but slowly my roommates kind of zone out of the picture, the attached one gets a call from her guy and she disappears for the night and then the other goes to bed which just leaves me and Ed.
So, what was the awkward part?
The look my best friend gave me when Ed was still in our dorm the next morning.

And no I didn't sleep with him - the awkward part was that we had all agreed that this guy was a total goob way way before. The awkwardness was the fact that I was the schmuck who got all wrapped up in Valentine's Day hooplah and ended up in kind of a relationship. With THE GOOB.
I will never ever live it down.

So, you are probably thinking, "That wasn't that awkward"
You should have seen the look.

Quote

This quote was in my day planner for this week:

"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not."
- Andre Gide

What do you think?

I think this has a lot to do with what I have been dealing with lately. Am I being myself? Sometimes I feel like nobody really knows the real me and I wonder if they did - would they like me?
I am more afraid that if I don' t start being myself soon - I will lose that awesome girl forever.
Yes, I said it - I used to be awesome. Now, I just don't think anyone but my husband has a freaking clue who I am and it is all my fault.

My solution: Move and start over - it's too hard to explain yourself when everyone already has who they think you are in their minds. I grimace when I think about what I have lost and I wish wish wish for a fresh start - to let them decide Do you love me or hate me? At least whichever you choose will be based on the real me.

Hmmmm... that was a little deep for Monday.

Happy Birthday!

Today is my husband's birthday!

He shares his special day with Abraham Lincoln.

So, Happy Birthday to you too Abe.
In honor of the fabulous guy (my husband, not Abe...not that he wasn't good too, just that I don't sleep next to him every night.) I am listing 26 things that I love about him. Here we go!

1. I love his smile.

2. I love how funny he is in the morning while I am still a grouch.

3. I love how sincere his is.

4. I love how he always takes the high road and doesn't let the actions of others bring him down.

5. I love the way he loves me.

6. I love how passionate he is about things he loves.

7. I love how caring and devoted he is to his friends and family.

8. I love that he doesn't put up with crap from other people.

9. I love how good a friend he is.

10. I love how honest he is.

11. I love his heart.

12. I love his laugh.

13. I love how much he loves our little puppy Harley

14. I love how great he looks in a suit!

15. I love how he seems to 'get me' and even when he doesn't he loves me anyway!

16. I love that he loves sports.

17. I love that he was a firefighter and how he still is excited when he sees a firetruck.

18. I love how he tries not to eat chocolate because I'm allergic.

19. I love being with him more than anyone else in the world.

20. I love that he is my best friend.

21. I love how he is always there for me.

22. I love his goofy side

23. I love his mathematical and serious side (most of the time.)

24. I love how much he loves Oklahoma State (our alma mater!)

25. I love our life together.

26. I love this Man!! And I love that he reads my blog.

Happy Birthday Babe!

Big Deal.

So, this is a big week for my little household because tomorrow is my dear hubby's birthday and Saturday as we all know is Valentine's Day.
We are both all about the holidays! We might not always decorate like crazy for them but we always CELEBRATE! - and no I am not talking about President's Day and St. Patrick's Day...I am talking about the typical Holidays, both National and Personal.
Such as ...We always celebrate the anniversary of our first date and we go to the same place every year. I know it is mushy and silly - but we love it!

We ALWAYS do something special for Valentine's and we go big for Christmas and Birthdays as well. This last year was our first wedding anniversary so that was a new fun tradition that I get to look forward to each year. This year we had a lot of things standing in the way so we are planning for our two year to be big and fun!

I know that a lot of people aren't BIG into special occasions and tend to let them just go by but me and mine just LOVE a reason to make a big ta-doo!

This year I am in charge of Valentine's Day and I have it all planned out - I can't tell though because it is still a secret (shhhh!) from my Valentine himself who reads my blog devotedly (love you babe!) . It's gonna be fabulous and romantic!

His birthday is going to be more low key than other years but we are still having a fun dinner on his special day and then presents of course! The next day (Friday!) I am having a party with all our friends to celebrate his old age (hee hee)!

We have a whole weekend of fun coming up! I can't wait - since the last weeks have been kind of a strain with health. Another great reason to celebrate!

So, are you a celebrator or a stay-at-homer? What are you doing special for Valentine's Day?

Totally Awkward Tuesday

In ancient blogging tradition, it is now time once again to participate in the much acclaimed and whispered about Tova's Totally Awkward Tuesday in which we (bloggers) share our deepest darkest and humiliating ancedotes and adventures....
Go HERE to read more.

Today's Awkward moment comes to you from my adolescent years. I just thought of it this morning because I remember being really embarrassed but I was completely the cause...
This is really ridiculous but honestly, a very awkward moment of my life.
I grew up going to a very small church - as in - we all would have filled the first 4 rows if we hadn't been Baptists (meaning some people were in the back row, others sat in the same row every week as if their family crest was emblazoned on the pew and some were front row Joe "Amen" and "MmmHmmm" kinda people). So basically everyone knew everyone and grew up together. I explain this so you will kind of get the setting here. So, one day after church for no reason at all I had brought my Mom's old cheer leading uniform to show some of my friends. I have no idea why I did this, how I got it there without someone asking me about it or why I even had it. My parents were divorced and I think my Mom had let me keep her uniform in my closet or something and I guess my friend and I were obsessed with cheer leading although neither of us were ever cheerleaders. We played with my Mom's pom poms and made up cheers all the time. So I take this 1970's polyester cheer leading uniform to church to show my friend and at some point I decide I am going to wear it. I am guessing I was about 10 at the time. Now, my Mom was tiny in high school - little itty bitty and I have always been kind of chubby - so at 10 this uniform actually fit me if not was just a bit snug. Oh, did I mention that it was winter and it was the Midwest? So, here I come in my Mom's polyester cheer leading uniform out of the church bathroom to go parade (I guess) and pretend to be a cheerleader outside for all the world to see. Did I mention I went to a conservative traditional Baptist church? I mean like the kind of church that Angela on The Office went to. Ankle length skirts on Sunday and no revealing anything. Yeah, so the kind of snug, pretty darn revealing (in the dead of winter) cheer leading costume just did not fly when one of the ladies from the church sees me and yells my full name and asks me what in the world I thought I was doing? Now I like to think that she was laughing hysterically inside and was just yelling to be a good parent and because I was probably going to catch pneumonia in my short little skirt, without hose (the horror!). Well, this was my awkward moment - you see, I was a sensitive and rather cautious child who was pretty eager to please. You just had to look at me with disappointment and I would burst into tears! So I started bawling because (I mean really..what was I doing? It was freakin' cold! and it was at church!). I still remember how humiliated I was. I am telling you..really overly sensitive. I am 25 and I am still thinking, Little Moi? What made you bring that to church and put it on your pudgy little body? "No clue, older and wiser Moi."

Happy Awkwardness!

Misunderstood

Ever feel like nobody gets you? They listen, they hear you but they still walk away wondering what in the world your talking about. This is pretty much how I spend most of my life - being misunderstood. I was always the black sheep in my family - thinking differently and wanting different things than everyone else. I feel like nobody gets me.
This week I have been in a real funk. Just on edge and to be honest - kinda mean and grouchy.
Maybe it was just that built up stress from the week before or something - but I just felt..MAD!
I don't really know why so maybe I don't understand me either!
I am going to try to get back to center this weekend and just calm down! But, I just feel like I can't get my point across and apparently I am told that subtlety just doesnt cut it and you need to be blunt for people to get you. I shouted something angry and ugly back at that comment. Poor hubby...his wife seems to be the devil this week.
Grrrrr........Grrrrr......Happy Saturday and Happy weekend and here's hoping you are not in a mean evil rude misunderstood mood like me.

A little fun on friday...

Hairdizzer over at This is How I Choose to Remember It
had a fun game on her blog and I asked if I could play . . . I got the letter "T".

Rules: If you want to play, leave a comment on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on....

So, here are my ten favorite things that begin with the letter "T":

1. Theatre. I was very involved in Theatre when I was growing up and even started out my college career as a Theatre major. I loved performing and being involved with anything that was happening on stage. I loved hanging out in the Green Room before a performance and I loved the different characters and personalities of everyone. It was a great time in my life that is chock full of fabulous memories. I still love to go to plays and performances - I get a knot of excitement in my stomach for the actors. I hope to get to see a Broadway play on our trip to New York this fall!

2. Thanksgiving. This is by far my favorite holiday. I like how there is not all the stress that can come with Christmas and gift giving and party going - it is one day with lots of food and family. I love the parade and the cooking and fun. My family plays football and cards afterwards and it is my absolute favorite holiday of the year. But...I don't really like turkey.

3. Theme Parties. I have not been to a lot of these outside of college but I think a theme party is a blast. Whether it is an 80's theme, a toga party or a pirate themed gathering - I am all in! I love to dress up and be creative and it is so great to go and see what everyone else does. I love the decoration and planning as well. Maybe I was meant to be a party planner!

4. Tacos. I like soft tacos generally but I like the hard ones as well. From a fast food restaurant or at home. I love em'!

5. Thursday night TV. The Office, Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice. Me. Couch. TV. Happy.

6. Tiffany's. I think I just love the cute blue box....no I'm pretty sure it's the gianty diamonds. There is just something great about Tiffany's. I have been to them in random malls and then in Manhattan (my cousin Tiffanie and I went there once and we wanted so badly to go and eat breakfast outside like Audrey Hepburn).

7. Totally Awkward Tuesdays. I love playing along for Tova's Awkward Tuesdays - I sit around trying to remember awkward moments in my life that I previously tried to block out.

8. Tea. I love hot tea. I am not a big fan of iced tea or what these Floridian's call Sweet Tea. I like flavored herbal teas. I try to have a cup a day for the antioxidants and the relaxing effect. It is really a calming agent for me - I love to drink this one called "Bedtime Story" in the evenings and then curl up in bed.

9. Theme Parks. I love a good theme park. Spending 15 dollars for a hot dog and lots of souveniers that I will never want to display in my house or wear outside of that day at that park. I love rollercoasters and pretty much any ride. I love the Disney theme parks and all of the cool restaurants and shops.

10. TiVO. I don't actually have TiVO - I have a DVR but I call it TiVO and it really is one of my favorite things! I can record lots of things that I want to watch but dont have time to - then on the weekends I have a bunch of shows I can catch up on! So much fun! Cheers to the inventor of TiVO!!

That was fun! Leave me a comment letting me know if you want to play along and then I will assign you a letter! Have a great weekend!

525,600 minutes...

So, yesterday when I arrived home from work I was a little frustrated and perturbed - so I decided to do the only thing that really calms me down. I cleaned. THE WHOLE HOUSE. Kyle helped of course - but we vacumed, mopped, did laundry, cleaned the bathroom, dusted...you get the picture. It was an obscene amount of cleaning for a Tuesday evening. After that and a soak in the tub I settle down to a healthy dinner and some weightloss TV. This included the finale of Diatribe which I had Tvo'd from the night before and The Biggest Loser which I just started watching. I cannot believe how much weight they lose on that show! And I sit there in awe of it and it honestly keeps me from raiding the fridge for a snack. Or maybe the trainer Jillian keeps me from it - she is so scary! I am scared of her and she is on TV - if she was my real trainer I think my extra pounds would run away in fear!

Still in a bit of a funk this morning - I found my favorite CD of all time that I unearthed the night before during my cleaning spree. The RENT soundtrack. My guarantee to get in a good mode for the day. I sang/ performed all the way to work. My audience checked me out in their rearview mirrors but I didn't care! I was on stage! I definitely feel al bit better and more on the ball today - and don't worry I have the second half of the soundtrack to get me home.

What gets you back on track? A song, a movie....whenever I hear RENT it takes me back to the first time I saw it on stage. I was in that warm little theatre cocoon where nothing can distract me from the performance. I was in awe and so moved by the music and the message of the play. I fell in love even more with theatre that day and I think it will always be my favorite play. I have seen it since and yes, I saw the movie..and they all move me. Sometimes you just need your favorites things. I might even go home and watch the movie version tonight.

Baby, I'm the lucky one.

There is a part of me that does not want to write this post. Mostly because I am tired of explaining and reliving the whole situation. This past week and weekend were one of the toughest of my life. My husband was in the hospital once more for the problem with his heart. He has a condition where his heart goes into Atril Fibrillation which means a faster than is normal heart rate and an irregular rhythm. This is officially his fourth episode and our fourth trip to the ER. This one was somewhat different though in that they didn't convert his heart back to normal and kept him in the hospital for four days. We knew he wasn't on his death bed - the doctors had full control and were monitoring him and running tests but to us...it was truly frightening. I didn't expect to be sleeping on a pull out chair from Thursday to Sunday, I didn't expect to spend three meals a day eating alone in a cafeteria crying into my french fries. And yes I ate french fries. I did pretty well on the detox until the third day at lunch when I broke down and layed on the comfort foods.
I was scared. My husband was hooked up to monitors and and IV and I was slowly loosing my mind. I tried to be as tough as I could - not let him see me crying. God! I wanted my Mom sooo bad - but I knew I couldn't let her fly down unless things got critical. I don't know if I have ever felt more alone in my life. All I wanted was to take him home and things to be fine and okay again. Sitting here now two days later typing this, tears are streaming down my face as I think back to it all. The beeping of the heart monitors, the sound of the nurses coming in every few hours every night. The cold window by my makeshift bed. Him in the hospital gown, the tears in his eyes....
I don't remember a worse time in my life. I tried to think of one.
I can't.

He is home. We have new medicines that are going to try to control his heart and keep him out of AFIB. I wish I had some too - I was so anxious and nervous and stressed I wondered sometimes if I my heart was having empathy for his.

He is my whole world. The other half of my heart. The love of my life.

This really shook me.

I shouldn't have typed this at work - I am a mess and I don't have any mascara here to reapply.

"I celebrate privately." - Michael (The Office)

Happy Groundhog's Day!!

If you've read my blog for a while, then you might remember why today is such a special day. If not here is last year's Groundhog post to bring you up to speed.

Today is a really special day for my little niche of friends. We were teenagers together and survived high school, we were young adults together and somehow made it through college, we have dated, gotten married and even become mothers (okay, maybe just one of us). We have grown up together and continue to do so. I love you girls- for the best friends you've been in all those stages of life and for all the ones to come. Happy Groundhog's Day!

Have a fabulous day and enjoy the six more weeks of winter the furry little devil predicted.