Tuesday, January 23, 2007

A RANT AND RAVE (feel free to avoid, its kind of emotional and long)

People astound me. Who do people think they are? Treating other people around them with rudeness and smugness. These questions were triggered due to a recent occurrence with some pseudo-friends of mine. A life-group (church group) retreat planned for last weekend ended in disaster when people treated others badly and someone finally had the guts to say something. Sadly, this person wasn't innocent so the explosion exploded further when they spoke up. Let me just explain:
We go to a large church that solves the large aspect of not really getting to know people by forming "life-groups" which is a group of people who meet once a week outside of church (normally for an evening) and have a prayer meeting of sorts or a bible study. This is supposed to provide that close knit group that is your little community at church. Ours has ranged from 6-7 married couple plus us - all between the ages of 21-28. Well, I have written about the group before, using words like, "heaven sent" and such things. At the time they were that but, the problem with the group is quite frankly the members of it. We get together and spend 2 hours going through a bible study that should take about 45 minutes b/c everyone is rude and loud and interrupts basically just to hear themselves talk. The subject no matter what it is always gets turned to sex (which this group feels is open for discussion no holds barred- and i mean nothing isn't okay to talk about, i have learned words and names of things I never knew existed) It used to be funny, but now it seems that this is all anyone is capable of talking about. There are those of us there that are so craving to read God's word and talk about our spiritual lives together and grow but the majority come to gossip and chat and be rude. Now, about 4 months ago - the leader of the group made a rule that no longer would alcohol be allowed at life group functions. I know what you are thinking..why would it ever have been? That's what we wondered when we joined. But, it was presented to us that if the group say, went out to dinner-everyone was okay with drinking so it would not be frowned on for someone to order a beer or a fruity girly drink with their meal. I was kind of bothered by but i had no reason to think it was abused. Well, in some scenario that only a few were present at ( we weren't) something got out of control and some people felt uncomfortable and thus the suggestion from the leader that we no longer drink when representing our lifegroup together. Wise I thought. Well, this stirred up all kinds of egotistical exclamations of not being told what to do and no one was gonna make rules..blah blah blah. I stood directly behind the leader on this b/c i think it is all her and her husbands decision and if people don't like it they should find a new group (good luck finding one that drinks). But, amazingly only one couple left and they only left because other people that they didn't like decided to stay. Well, none of these people read my blog but I will leave out names to be fair. So we go on this weekend that is a "lifegroup function" thus will have no alcohol as a rule (now one that doesn't even need said). The first night is awful b/c the boys are running around like some freshman fraternity guys on crack. The girls decide to play some games over the insanity of the guys..this is super dull and forced for me because it just frankly was not what I call fun. So, the night only gets worse b/c people are rude and make comments about others b/c there are a few non-friends (non stated) in the group. The plan for the following day is for the guys to get up at dawn and go fishing. They try to be quiet and manage not to wake us girls up. A few hours later they come back and most of us are still asleep (some on air mattresses in the living room), so then people are being rude and loud and Kyle is trying to get them to be quiet and be respectful. One girl actually walked through the room we are sleeping in and yelled at her dog. Kyle was gritting his teeth on that one. She did not care. This is one small example of 2 of the couples total and utter disregard for other people. They act and say whatever they want and honestly, I don't know why we have put up with it for this long. So the rudeness increased throughout the day- I was told that the girls were going to the mall. So we got ready and then everyone was sitting around and waiting and one of the guys asked who was driving and no one had a car except me (all the girls knew this but never asked me if I minded driving everyone around). Then one of THEM said that they have to sit in the front because they are claustrophobic (yeah..okay) then she got in my car and told me it needed cleaned. Then in the mall they left the store without telling me and the one that I really get along with. They called and asked where we were (we had never left), so we thought they had just walked to the next store. No! They were at the other end of the mall. So then after griping the whole way back we thankfully arrive back to our cabin. So...I forgot to mention that the leader of the group and her husband had to leave before we went shopping b/c they could only spend the first night. So.....out comes the beer. And then they are going on a beer run and taking orders. Kyle and I are staring at each other in disbelief, and then even the good members of the group are agreeing ( for fear of being ridiculed by the beer getter's -this is the guy thing in this group- fear of ridicule from the others, maybe its a general guy thing). So , then everyone is drinking as we are cooking dinner (let it be known that the before mentioned THEM did not lift a hand the entire weekend as far as cooking or cleaning goes at any meal for any period of time, nor did they thank anyone who did or even do so much as clean their plate off the table). SORRY THIS IS JUST ONE BIG RANT GUYS... So, then they actually started playing drinking games. It was like being in a freshman dorm in college (i'm not saying that that is unacceptable) I just don't think that we were all in the same place in our lives despite age or circumstance. It was just plain ridiculous. Here is this lifegroup from our church playing drinking games, not a bible or prayer in sight the whole weekend. I was stunned at the behavior of these people before the alcohol came out..but soon after the cussing happened and the F word found its way around the room. THEM were yelling (husbands and wives) at each other saying F you etc..... It was unbelievable. We were planning on leaving but we didn't want to make this big scene so we (there were 3 of us who weren't participating in any way) were watching a movie and just trying to get the night over with so we could leave and never ever see any of them again. I mean this thing RUINED relationships and destroyed our group. Total disregard for other people and for the church and our group and for everything. It was so terrible. Looking back I wish I would have sat them all down on the couch and told them exactly what was on my mind. I really should have, but I knew that they had an F you with my name on it. That's what happens when rude people get combined with beer. Awful. So the climax of the event is that one guy who always speaks his mind (who had had a few beers earlier before it turned into a party) yelled at them all to please stop and think about what they were doing and how this looked. Then some girl is all yelling about how this wasn't a lifegroup function. Yours truly looked her right in the eye and said, "Are you kidding me? Actually this was a life group function, it was planned at lifegroup, for lifegroup, and we are here together as a lifegroup. You guys have got to be kidding me..

I'll stop there. So everyone stopped, the groups divided. The guy who spoke up went to try to calm the waters and of course was called a hypocrite (which he was) but I was glad he spoke up.

We left early the next morning. On the way home the leader of the group called me to get the TRUTH, b/c one of THEM (who is her brother and sister in law - yeah, lets talk about conflict!) called her and told her that they had brought alcohol but that everything was fine until the guy yelled at everyone. I straightened her out on what REALLY happened. It is really devastating, you know to see people in this kind of environment ( church group) behaving and acting this way. So, as of now tomorrow the lifegroup leaders are going to tell those who come to the meeting tomorrow that they are taking a break from hosting the group and in a few months they might consider it again but, they will only be inviting people who are serious about being a part of it. I hope and pray that that actually does happen, and maybe it will convict some peoples hearts to look at their actions a little closer.

Thanks for listening. You know me...I can't hold it in if it really gets to me and this did. I honestly never thought I would be around people who behaved like this. I definitely cant call them friends. Is it just how we were raised? Having respect for others? Is it this part of the country? What in the world is the deal?



Monday, January 22, 2007


I will be getting married on....

NOVEMBER 3rd, 2007
@ the BeachHouse Restaurant on
Anna Maria Island in Bradenton, Florida.

to see please visit www.groupersandwich.com
(no I will not be serving grouper sandwhiches at my wedding.)

Now onto the fun stuff!!!

Breathing a huge sigh of relief

Friday, January 19, 2007

Its just another day

Off Off into the wild blue......well, maybe not that extreme but at least off for the weekend. At the end of yet another semi-eventful but not really productive week of planning - I look back and wonder, why? Oh, why? Is this so hard and frustrating. I think my heart just isnt in it. Or maybe its because I just can't quite find what I am looking for? It is out there! I swear it- my dream wedding is out there but I haven't looked in the right search engine yet. Whatever did people do before the internet?
With each new venue I find there is excitement while one by one things seemingly fall into place - the accomodations, the caterer..the ceremony spot...and then POW! the reception site is booked for every weekend of every month this year, someone (who shouldnt even know yet about the recent idea b/c it hasnt been groomed and thoroughly investigated and decided on) starts coming up with other questions - who will stay where ? but what if they wont like that? But what will you do about this? Who will this be for? SERENITY NOW!!! (sorry, seinfeld reference).
And then there is the breathing down my neck about the date, the food, everyone has an opinion and no one has a solution except my gorgeous and beautiful and talented mother (who reads my blog) who suggests the smartest and most logical of all choices in the matter- "Why don't you just have it in Oklahoma and then I can take care of all the hard stuff and we can plan it together..." Oh momma.... if only life were that simple. If I didnt get married on the beach I might just be marrying myself. Men....or Man.....I never expected these kinds of problems.
Or these kinds of feelings, you know - complete and utter terror? no? Well, it seems that way to me. Its just too big, too much to commit to..too too too too..scary.
Considering how I always imagined my wedding and marriage to be....I just don't know what the heck is going wrong inside me and all around me. Nature is telling me not to plan, and Im afraid if i dont listen its gonna get my attention with a little ole hurricane come November.
Everyone..just one request this weekend if I slip into your mind. Please pray for me. And not so I wont be a Bridezilla or that my reception hall will work out..but pray that my heart will just calm down a little bit and I will figure out exactly what it is I need to be doing with my life that I am not. Love you all and miss you like crazy as I go spend another weekend with the Florida friends who are great but will never ever be you. (their greatest flaw)



Thursday, January 18, 2007

Woke up this morning..its six am..feel so far off from where I've been...got my eggs and my pancakes too..got my maple syrup..everything but you...

beep beep beep..my alarm yells incessantly in my ear, I rolled over to look the evil alarm in the face. 6:30! it yelled into my sleepy squinting eyes. Wait! Thats not how it went. "I need a girl to make my wife, no one else, she's all mine.....i need a girl to ride ride ride, a girl thats mine all mine. Tiffanie, Nancy thats not where my plans be, most of the girls keep confusing me..need me a girl to be true to me...i need a girl..." my radio alarm sang to me as I opened my eyes to see my alarm announcing 7:00 am!! You're gonna be late! I stumble to the bathroom and put the magic eye drops in my eyes, switching me from legally blind to 20/20 or whatever my vision is supposed to be.
I sang to Celine Dion, Carrie Underwood, Sheryl Crow..as I got ready.
Pulled on black slacks, my fave snakeskin heels, an ivory shirt, jean jacket and my pearls..I was ready for..well, another Thursday.
Starbucks- click click click..I clacked my way into the coffee haven and ordered my tall nonfat vanilla latte, grabbed a scone and was out the door off to work-
In the door I went. eeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtttttttt! Everything came to a screeching halt. I should have been walking into a huge firm with a stack of messages, peoples calls I needed to return, mail to go thru - just to tell my assistant which invitations to RSVP and which to dispose of. I should have settle down in my office overlooking the gulf and started designing the Barrimores new island house on Maui... But, my life is different than that.
I smiled and handed out the daily dose of "good mornings" and "hey theres", settled down-slurped down my coffee (which incidently gave me a hotflash) and ate my scone..or was it a scone? What is a scone? Do I like scones? I think it was coffee cake. Then I checked my email, looked sadly at my once again empty desk and proceeded to research the latest new idea concerning mine and Kyle's wedding. (sigh) booked, booked, booked. Nothing was working out-
Halfway thru the morning I put together a color scheme for an elementary school. 15 minutes later - back to the net.
Lunch- called places, left messages, found out things were of course, already booked..

After lunch - well, here I am kiddos. So what do I do now? I am tired of wedding stuff. I guess I will try to mentally and physically prepare myself for the weekend. Tomorrow we leave for the weekend with 12 of our friends to stay in the cabin on Lake Iskapoka or something like that. The guys are gonna fish, the girls are going to..complain about the guys most likely. It will be great. Probably a much needed wedding and computer break. I guess I will start making a list of things I need..umm lets see, bridal magazines, my laptop, cell phone.....

woe is me. (gaze slowly shifts to left hand...bling bling!...shifts to pictures of Kyle and I in college, in New York, on the cruise..and another one of Heather and I with our arms up in the air with a volleyball net behind us......it will all be okay......)


Friday, January 12, 2007

There's a storm a brewin'

As ice and snow descends once again on my home state - our cold front of upper 60's and low 70's temperatures fades out and ah, yes another heat wave. Oh, how I do love Florida (well, not really) but, this time of year it is nice. But, humidity and 90 degree temperatures in January still throw my system all outta wack. Its like being on vacation forever, setting up house there and then never flying home at the end of the trip. But maybe I will get to some day.

There has been a lot of movement in the wedding scene the past few days and I might just have some real set in stone details soon. Hopefully! Until theres a date there is only so much you can do! I have finally got into the planning thing though and I am really feeling it now! (as long as this weekend of visiting sites and hotels goes according to plan that is). Heather's and Kyle inboxes have felt the brunt of this planning surge. But, it feels good to be getting somewhere with the BIG DAY plans. Has anyone seen the new abc shoe BIG DAY? Like a wedding and life worse nightmare, but farely entertaining if you have free time to watch it or if you are a TVOaholic like me. Although I have loved the planning time, I definetely hope that work picks up next week and I dont have so much free time at work to wedding plan. It makes me feel guilty when others are working around me. But I cant create work out of thin air! Hopefully things will start stirring up next week and wedding planning can be a part time job. Actually, planning other peoples weddings would be an awesome job or the person who helps girls find their dresses..a wedding dress consultant. Why are weddings so fun to think about but marriages so hard to keep together? Scary thought.

Above are some pics of cakes I like- heath this first one is sim. to what I was trying to explain with the brown.... I think its kind of elegant looking. My friend Alyssa and I were discussing Beach Elegance last night, I think thats what I am envisioning. Beachy but classy and elegant at the same time...she vows she has seen it pulled off well before. I' m sure I will be dragging her to even more Bridal Shows in the future!

So, it is almost 5 and I have successfully used up the past 8 hours of "work time" on working on my wedding. I am so excited! Tomorrow we are going to Anna Maria Island to look at some wedding possibilities! Lots of love and have a great weekend!

(singing) We're havin' a heat wave......a tropical heat wave....
stay warm okies!


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

RANT - and not about the wedding

Bumper Stickers....
Today as I was driving to work I found myself at a stoplight sitting behind a nice SUV. Sadly, the owner had defaced the vehicle with various bumper stickers. Before I move forward I will admit that in my youth I put a few stickers on my old junker car but, I think they are tacky and a very ugly ornament on a nice expensive vehicle. Although, they do provide fellow drivers with a good read at a traffic stop. This one puzzles me though.
They were clearly pro-Bush administration as they had some presidential voting tag from the last election which I am going to take as a sign that they are Republican (although they could just as easily not be). They had some other stickers from various places that had no real meaning - leading to my thought process of "why?"??? And then there was this one:
Now I am confused. Republicans are normally not anti gun if you go by the stereotype. So I wonder what is the purpose or meaning of this sticker and what about it moved this person to stick it on their otherwise lovely vehicle? Is this pro-gun control, anti Rosie O'Donnell/gay marriage, or obescity? My mind was boggled. Who are these people. It's not even really that funny and there was no picture or anything-just words in a non exciting font. What moved these people? (sigh)

Have a great Wednesday...if its a slow day you might just hear from me again.


Tuesday, January 09, 2007

I will plan this wedding to no a"veil".

Wedding planning sucketh. I give up and give in - I am through! I actually wrote this evil woman in Daytona a letter telling her how I did not appreciate how she treated us and that I would never recommend her or her facility. This is not something I do - But I had too! She made me so mad. She rushed me to make all these decisions and then she had no follow thru! I got an email from her yesterday saying she would be sending the contract soon. This is the same contract she said she would have to me on Dec. 22 and she would need back that very afternoon or we would lose our date. Now it is January and she is acting like nothing happened. I loathe her and her purple and blue eyeshadow combination. In other news...
A wedding coordinator practically laughed at me when I told her my budget. She doesnt believe in weddings under 40,000 plus. She was at least polite about it but, she devastated me. I would rather have a house after we are married than a gourmet fru fru wedding.
I then found a very nice lady who said the budget didnt matter- she just wanted to fulfill the brides vision. I liked her. Shes my new best friend! (j.k girls).
So unless something works itself out soon - I am hiring heather and having a wedding in Tulsa.
Bah on weddings. What good can come of them? Besides the whole love and family thing of course. Bah.
So I am a devastated bride. But I do know what kind of dress I want and I am officially on my wedding diet striving towards thinness or at least fitness. Wedding Schmedding....

This week better start looking up real soon!


Monday, January 08, 2007

Uh huh

What a weekend-
This is how I started off my Monday: My daily calendar...

"I wish you sunshine on your path and storms to season your journey. I wish you peace in the world in which you live and in the smallest corner of the heart where truth is kept... More I cannot wish you expect perhaps love to make the rest worthwhile."

Well, another week....good luck.

Friday, January 05, 2007


(Disclaimer: this is one of those deep blogs where I will disclose my feelings and open up about things I dont like to talk about but am busting at the seems to say. I will probably spend the majority of the blog and most likely end it without saying or at least not very clearly what it is that I am trying to say. Either take a deep breath and hold on tight or click the x in the top right hand corner. It's probably all coming out because I am listening to Stevie Wonder's Bad Mamma Jamma.)

"Always new. Always exciting. Always full of promise. The mornings of our lives, each a personal daily miracle!" -Gloria Gaither

This was the quote on my daily calendar for January 1st. It's a new year and yet I don't feel like
I am starting fresh like I normally do. I brought in last year rather badly if you remember my blog about it you will understand what I mean. And I think that with that bad start my year seemed to follow that kind of flow. Health problems, Kyle in the hospital....but, it wasn't all bad. Looking back on this year so many wonderful things happened! Pam got married! Heather had the cutest baby ever born. Sheralyn found out she was having a baby and she also got engaged to the love of her life. And so did I (minus the baby part). I can't believe my best friend and I are both engaged at the same time. I went to New York last year and on my first cruise. My cousin Tiffanie got married. My dad had knee replacement surgery, mom had knee surgery too. It was really an eventful year with probably more ups than downs when I actually sit down and think about it. Looking back over the year-I'm trying to pinpoint when exactly it was that things started to change for me. I don't know, but somewhere this year I looked in the mirror and I didnt know the person staring back at me. I look around me and the only thing that makes sense is Kyle. What I mean is, why Florida? Why interiors? Why why why? I guess this is the point in my life where I wonder, "what do I want to do with my life?". So in 2007 I guess I am looking for answers. I am still going to continue on the interiors path and get licensed but, after that who knows. So, here I am looking in this mirror-not recognizing who is looking at me and I realize that it's no ones fault but my own. I have let go of who I am, and it didn't start this year and it didn't start in Florida - it happened somewhere between my junior year in school and now. First I came back from camp junior year and jumped on some high horse, and pushed everyone away because honestly, my heart was broken and I couldn't fix it. I continued this behavior through the summer - losing more of myself during my internship - just by hiding my personality and morphing into this thing that was so unhappy. Somewhere in there I decided to open my heart up again knowing completely without a doubt that it would soon be handed back to me even more crumpled and torn than before. Sure enough. Senior year started with what I guess we will call, "forgetting". I kicked that sad girl out of the way and went in a total 180 from that point to this crazy girl. Yes, I was probably more myself than I had been-but I took it too far and compromised the actual composition of who I was and what I thought was right and wrong. I left my conscience at the door and for lack of a better term, I lived it up! Bad decision, yes but if I had the chance I wouldnt change it b/c of the person who came out of it. I figured things out that many middle aged adults havent figured out. Living that way is not fulfilling and there is nothing in it to be proud of, and I want more than that. Luckily God was still looking out for me becaue in the midst of crazy town he introduced me to Kyle. Not that this stopped the bad decision making-but despite everything he was this amazing man who I fell in love with and connected with in a way that no other schmoe I had dated had. It was right, amidst the chaos. And we actually got to do a lot of growing up together over the next year. Graduating, moving away and realizing that that college part of our lives was over and we started looking forward to the future. So, here I am in the future and not surprisingly despite what I have accomplished and where I am..I still feel like I am searching for myself. Maybe everyone feels this way, maybe it's just me. So, I guess I will let my guard down for once and actually tell the good honest truth in my blog that is here for this very purpose. I am lost. I dont know what I want. I want to marry Kyle-but, I cant get excited about planning. It's me me me me. No one else but me. So, what do I do after another bad night or yet another fight over something stupid and insignificant? I wake up, go to work and read this quote, "Always new. Always exciting. Always full of promise..." I guess that's God's way of saying, hold tight. This is just something you have to go through but, remember that each day is new and tomorrow is gone. Don't dwell in the past, not even in yesterday.
Whoa. It's only 9 in the morning! (This is where I will make a joke to end the deep confessional feeling of the blog). Welp! I guess I better get back to my busy day of wedding dress searching on the net and cruising through the knot.com..er....I mean, I better get back to those floor plans, run some prints and pick out some tile for the Vero Beach renovation. Ha!


(p.s. just because you told me not too- Word up Heathre!)

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Livin' on Tulsa time.....

back to the beach...

Well, I am officially back on eastern time. After a hellish travel day yesterday, Kyle and I arrived safely back into Tampa with our luggage(surprisingly enough). As we had a 6:00 flight Monday morning, we opted to stay up thru new years eve since we had to leave our house mega early. This meant that by 6 we were crashing and then we got on our flight that was also flying 3 babies and 2 dogs (so peaceful and quiet...HA!). An hour and forty-five minutes later we left the airport (but, being so sweet- they left us on the tiny tiny noisy plane the whole time) so we arrived at our connection at the time our connecting flight was due to take off. Then our luck changed- they held the plane and we and our luggage miraculously arrived semi-on time at home. What a day.

So, I am back to work today and clearly I am very very busy. I was inspired by Heather's New Year's resolutions. I too have decided (like most others do this time of year) to get in shape and lose the weight I want to before my wedding. I know I can do it and I am enlisting my fiance' as well and we are pro-health for 2007 (and hopefully beyond). Starting today its coming off!! My other resolution is to figure out what it is that I really want to do (professionally) with my life. I'd also like to make some decisions considering where I really want to live or be living in the future. I love Florida but, I just don't think this is where I want to be permanently. Going home always confuses me but, I was feeling this way prior to the holidays..we'll see if it fades with time like it normally does. I dont necessarily mean moving home - I just mean that I dont know if this fits me completely. We'll figure it out though-. My other resolution is to dress more professionally at work and to work on my Florida shyness that I have somehow developed since I moved here. I need to open up and be myself in this place-no matter how hard or scary it may seem.

Seeing my friends over the Holidays was so awesome and it made me even more excited about the wedding and having all of them with me. Like usual we all got together and we fell into conversation like we see each other everyday. It's so comforting to know we have that. It's also strange how some of the relationships are so different than the others. I so miss my girls! Theres never enough time to catch up and gab the way I wish we could- but it was soo nice and I cherished every minute of our Christmas get-to-gether.

Well, thats enough for today-
Lots and lots to do!

"May God's richest blessings be upon you both today and throughout the year - and may those blessings flow through you to touch the lives of everyone you meet." -Gary Smalley

Happy New Year!